It's Not OK to Puke on People Cartman

Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, N.J. pleaded guilty today for having intentionally puked on a father and his 11 year old daughter at a Philadelphia Phillies game on April 14, 2010. The cliff notes version of what had happend was this kid and his friend were heckling this guy and his two daughters because they were both drunk assholes and low and behold when the father had this kids friend removed for spitting at him and his daughters this Cartman look alike decides he's gonna stick his fingers down his throat and puke on them.

Now call me crazy but I think this was grounds for self defense. I havn't even stepped a foot into a single law school class but I can without a question have this guy plead insanity and get him off if he was to kill this guy right then and there. I have no clue what kind of health hazards being thrown up on can cause, a a jury would fully side with a father who just witnessed that happen to his little princess. I mean seriously you have to be one sick individual to think it is ok to even think to throw up on an 11 year old at a baseball game. Like by the looks of Matt you can tell he's definitely not fairing well with the ladies but Matt listen up buddy throwing up on them is not the route to go to grab their attention.

The funniest part about this is that Matt pretty much can get used to wearing a polo and a visor with the "golden arches" on them for the rest of his life because 5, 10, 20 years from now every time he applies for a job an employer will Google his name and POW 50 articles/blogs including BLACK CAWFEE talking about how he intentionally threw up on some guy and his daughter.

By the way one of the best lines from this article was Matt's attorney Richard Hark being quoted as saying "It's probably he consumed too much alchohol." Well Dick thanks alot for pointing that out to all of us. Someone get Obama on the line and let him know that Dick Hark would have been a better choice for Supreme Court Justice than Elena Kagan was.

"All Aboard"

What a beautiful day in New York today. The sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am preparing for my three day weekend since I will not be coming into work Monday because I make the rules and said I am going to give myself two 3 day weekends in a row with Memorial Day coming up next week. But guess what people the Subway Series starts tonight and on Sunday night at around 11:oopm I am highly confident the METS will officially be 9 games out of first place and heading into their series with Philly with the plug for life support barely sticking in the outlet.

The point is after watching last nights game (even though they won) this METS team is prime to get the shit kicked out of them by the Bronx Bombers. I can picture it right now as the players start arriving in the clubhouse. Jeter is telling Mo how he knew David Wright was never gonna be able to sniff what he is to NY, AROD is trying to talk to Cano who is ignoring the shit out of him and is talking with Tex about how they are probably gonna light Takahashi up for 10 runs tonight and are really hoping the METS trot Oli out from the pen to really nail the coffin in his embarassment of a career.

To quote Craig Carton "lock it uppppp"...the METS are going to get swept this weekend and I am not saying this because I am the most bitter METS fan walking this side of the Mississippi but because with the Yankees going into this little slide of theirs I don't see it possible that they continue this coming off two whoopins from Tampa. My reasoning for this outlash is because the METS could not be any more opposite than the Yanks. Last night John Maine throws 5 freakin pitches and is topping 80 mph on the gun and Manuel has to go out and pull him. Hey Johnny boy when your throwing high school fastballs during warmups don't you think some red flags should be raised and maybe speak up about it or do you want your team to get swept by the Nationals heading into back to back series with two of the best teams in the league.

Looking at tonights game you can bet your ass Yankee fans this is Vazquez's breaking out party. Picture a line of 7 strong with 5 hits, 1 run and 7 k's while us Mets fans will watch Texiera go deep twice and still try and justify that Daniel Murphy was a better option to go with at the time Tex was a free agent.

Tomorrow night Pelf takes the hill against Phil Hughes. I actually am looking forward to that game and not because Pelfrey is actually sort of blossoming but because Phil Hughes is my favorite pitcher in all of baseball. This kid flat out deals...mid 90's fast ball and a hook that might be the best in the game.

Then we will head into the big boys matchup Sunday night on ESPN. Where we will undoubtedly here Jon Miller say "Carlos Beltran" with his perfect hispanice accent at least a dozen times and watch CC and Johan wow us. I think they will actually both pitch really good and might be the only game the METS may squak out if the METS can score possibly more then 2 runs for "The Johan" but I am not gonna hold my breath on that.

So enjoy the beautful weekend and hopefully after the Yanks run a train on my METS we no longer will have to see this guys face come Monday morning.

HITTING THE JACKPOT...OR NOT

Last night was the NBA Lottery Special and the state of New Jersey got shit on royally like it usually does. The way the lottery works in the NBA is the worse your record is the more ping pong balls you get thrown into the mix when the commissior draws the order of the draft. Well Mikhail Prokhorow the NETS new owner will finally realize that nothing good will ever happen to that team, that even when they move to Brooklyn they will be overshadowed every single day by what LeBron is doing with the Knicks (unless maybe they can land Delonte West cause you know King James will go crazy if Gloria James is back sleeping with this guy)...

Anyway the Washington Wizards won the right to John Wall which is definitely a huge relief considering their franchise player was kicked out of the league this year for playing "Cowboys" in the lockeroom with real guns, so good for them. The 76ers will grab Evan Turner at the number two slot. Now this leaves us with the woeful NETS sitting at number three. Since I am primed to be a GM one of these days I am going to have to say that the NETS need to grab Derrick Favors out of Georgia Tech and here is why. Favors was the second biggest high school recruit last year outside of John Wall and the only reason he didn't get as much attention nationally was the fact that he chose the worse possible school to go to. I mean this kid could have called any coach in the entire country and they would have taken him without blinking an eye. Now what the NETS need to do is have Brook Lopez and Favors become a modern day version of the Twin Towers David Robinson and Tim Duncan and then come next offseason land free agent PG Chris Paul.

Now since I just gave free advice to a Russion Billionaire who could have hired me at a discount for that golden ticket to a revived franchise I want to at least be given credit by my countless readers. Oh and I also want it noted that if they select DeMarcus Cousins be rest assured that he will be the next Eddy Curry.

Now I needed to address this today only for the mere fact that I actually wasted away a half hour of my life last week praising Vince Carter. Last night was an absolute embarrassment to watch. For those who didn't watch the MAGIC are down three with 31 seconds on the clock and VC takes it to the whole right off the inbounds and gets fouled. Now all he had to do was hit one free throw with that much time left to leave the MAGIC in a position to salvage this series that I still cannot believe they are losing and what does he do..he throws up two f'in bricks. I am officially off the Vinsanity bandwagon, after watching that I took my Vince Carter plaque off my wall and shoved it under my bed with my Aaron Heilman autographed baseball. I actually was seriously thinking of throwing an entire weeks worth of pay on the MAGIC to outright put a whooping on the Celts but goes to show that I really don't know anything.

Until next time...

THE U(SC) DEBATE

ESPN has recently created a little tournament that was to decide which college football school is the best at producing NFL players and low and behold the final battle came down to the USC Trojans vs. the Miami Hurricanes. This is like choosing between Adriana Lima and Marissa Miller, you can’t get this one wrong if you are a top flight player looking to get to the NFL.

Let’s first break down the Trojans. They have had some of the greatest players ever to play in the NFL. The list consists of O.J. Simpson (“if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit”), Bruce Matthews, Anthony Munoz, Junior Seau, Marcus Allen and Ronnie Lott. Current NFL stars consist of Reggie Bush, Brian Cushing, Mark Sanchez, Matt Cassell, Matt Leinart, Carson Palmer, Lendale White and Troy Polamalu. Just looking at that list you could arguably say that O.J., Matthews, Munoz, Lott and Seau are all in the top five if not top two of the greatest players to ever play those positions and if Polamalu could ever stay healthy for a whole year we may actually be able to say he is one of the top safety’s to ever play the game. Having had the chance to go to USC this past season you can’t go wrong with choosing this school if you’re looking to get to the NFL, you have the best facilities, you play in one of the most famous college stadiums in the country and you get to spend all your time in LA where it is at least 70 degrees all year round and celebrities treat you as if you are one of them. Just look at how Matt Leinart took advantage of the fact that he was just as famous as Kobe Bryant when he was leading the Trojans to National Titles and winning Heisman trophies.

Now onto the “U”. Let’s just skip to the chase, the 2001 Miami Hurricanes were the best college football team ever assembled. This team just flat out beat the shit out of you. Just look at this list of NFL players that played on this team: Willis McGahee, Andre Johnson, Antrel Rolle, Ed Reed, Sean Taylor, Clinton Portis, Frank Gore, Phillip Buchanon, Jonathon Vilma, Vince Wilfork, William Joseph, Kellen Winslow and Jeremy Shockey. Honestly I might not even list the rest of their alum because that list alone from one team is unbelievable but it gets better, other past players include: Ray Lewis, Devin Hester, Santana Moss, Michael Irvin, Warren Sapp, Greg Olson, Kenny Phillips, Reggie Wayne, Vinny Testaverde and Jim Kelly. And top out the icing on the cake DeWayne “The Rock” Johnson played for the Canes and instead of dominating in the NFL he became one of the greatest WWF (WWE does not exist in my mind) of all time.
Like Michael Corleone said in The Godfather “it is strictIy business Sonny, not personal” and that is why I have to say the “U” brings home this one ven if my heart is with the Trojans, just the life of a blogger gotta state facts not feelings. Make no mistake USC has produced some of the greatest talent that has ever walked onto the gridiron but you can’t overlook the amount of superstar talent that has just poured out of Miami throughout the past twenty years.

But let’s take a look back ten years from now and see what some of the young USC talent has done with their NFL careers, I may have to rewrite this if Sanchez starts collecting the Lombardi Trophies.

NY Super Bowl in the Works

The JETS and GIANTS jointly announced today that they will submit a bid on Wednesday to host the 2014 Super Bowl at the new Meadowlands Stadium.

New York obviously takes a shit on both Miami and Tampa, the two other cities up for the opportunity to host that years Super Bowl. The only factor affecting this no brainer is the weather issue and the fact that New York may have about 20 feet of snow and a wind chill of negative 50 come Sunday night of the biggest game in all of sports. But that is the biggest horseshit reason not to give us the chance to have the big game here.

Think about where New York will be at come the year 2014. NYC will have bounced back fully from the recession and the ballers that roam the streets of Manhattan (I am included myself in this by that time) will have some serious money to spend on tickets, parties, dinners, hotels, etc.and on top of that the NFL has their headquarters located on Park Avenue and tell me they wouldn't be glad to reap the benefits of every public figure i.e. actor/actress, musician, athlete, models, etc. descend on their home turf and spend money like it is water.

Another factor to consider is where New York sports will stand at that time. The Yankees will have probably won at least two more World Series by then (kills me to say it), the METS will...who am I kidding will still be the Mets, the Knicks and Lebron will probably be going for at the least their second title run, the JETS would probably be going for their fourth straight title and the GIANTS may have finally rebuilt by then and could have a shot to see the Subway Super Bowl and as for the Rangers and Islanders well hopefully hockey won't even be around.

Also you have to take into consideration the biggest factor and that is global warming, I mean if Al Gore says it's happening then it definitely is. So by the year 2014 Miami and Tampa will probably have been wiped off the planet due to hurricanes which would leave you with no choice to pick New York. Realistically more then half the league plays in cold weather throughout the entire regular season and playoffs so what is the difference if its cold out the day of the Super Bowl, sack up and play the game.

The NFL needs to host the big game in the Big Apple period. There is no better sports town in the entire world. It will be the biggest sporting event in terms of a non-New York team event that has ever happend in New York history and we all know us New Yorkers will not let the NFL down. So I hope you read this Commissioner Goodell and know that if you want to expand this game globally like you are trying to do what better way then to let the best fans in the world show you how to get it done.

Maybe you'll get lucky and instead of Joe Namath getting hammered and kissing Suzy Kolber maybe we will get to see A Rod finally come out of the closet and try to lay one on Chris Berman, want to talk about ratings.

VINSANITY

Lawrence Taylor is a complete idiot, whether or not the allegations are true it's still a fucked up situation that he was involved with and he had no business putting him self in that situation. But now that I am headed off to law school I am going to save my opinion on this whole scenario until he is proven innocent or guilty. But I will leave you with one of the best quotes of all time when a few years back LT was arrested for cocaine possession and he famously said to reporters while being taken away in handcuffs that he was "set up like a motherfucker"...priceless.

Anyway today's topic is Vince Carter. Vinsanity had a hell of a night last night dropping 24 on the Hawks en route to leading the Magic to a 2-0 series lead. So it had me thinking about the good old days of Vince Carter, the Toronto Raptor days not New Jersey Nets days (anything with Jersey will ruin you, as it did for Carter's career while he was there). But going back to the Toronto days there was not a player in the league for a good 5-6 year period that was as exciting as Carter.

This guy was an absolute scoring machine and I still til this day have never seen an NBA player in the history of the league be able to dunk a ball like this guy did (yes not even LeBron). Carter quietly has been one of the best players over the course of the last 10 years. He has not been mentioned in the same breath as guys like Garnett, Duncan or Kidd who have had first ballot hall of fame careers but he has been a borderline hall of fame player and may eventually squeeze his way in.

But the whole point of writing this blog about VC has nothing to do with the great player that he is but all about the second greatest slam dunk contest of all time (behind Jordan and Wilkens battling it out). It was back in 2000 and VC put on a show for the ages. Carter reinvented the windmill and pulled off the sickest under the leg dunk in the history of dunks. After watching that I made my Dad go out a week later and buy me a plaque of VC mid air during that dunk and to this day it hangs on my wall. VC deserves a little props for what he has done over the course of his NBA career and that is what I do here, give notice to players who deserve respect. Now below is the clip of the 2000 dunk contest and I seriously doubt anyone who reads this could pull these dunks off on a kiddie hoop.



Also don't forget about this dunk when Carter posterized a 7 footer in the Olympics when he hurdled this doofy basterd...shits hilarious when he screams after throwing it down..



Until next time...

Pimpin' Ain't Easy

The story of the Miami Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland asking first round pick Dez Bryant if his mother was a prositute has got to be the most ridiculous story I have heard in a while. The low down here is that when Ireland asked Dez what his father did for a living he responsed by saying "my father is a pimp", following that response Ireland then asked what his mother did for a living and Dez responded by saying "she works for my father".

Now I am know Ms. Cloe but I am pretty sure if I was sitting in that room I could have read Jeff Ireland's mind and could have said before he did the exact same question that came out of his mouth and that was "So is your mother a prostitute?". Now when I first heard this story I didn't know the facts and since Ireland works for the Dolphins which is a team that I hate with a passion I was hoping the prick would get fired because who asks a 20 year old kid that type of question. But then the TRUTH came out and I don't blame the guy for asking him that. I mean what idiot (besides Jerry Jones) is gonna fork over $15 mil to a kid whose father is a pimp and mother is a prostitute. Picture it now Dez's Mom and Dad rolling up to LandShark Stadium in a Pink Stretch El Camino, gold plated walking canes and full out Miami Dolphin feathered hats and real Dolphin skin shoes. Seriously, how did these two reproduce an athletic specimen who has all the talent to be a legit top receiver in the NFL. Anywho, Ireland called Bryant anyway even though he didn't have to after the real conversation came out and apologized. Then today Bryant's mom comes out and is demanding a personal apology. A woman whose husband is a pimp, served 18 months in prison for dealing crack and put on 10 years probation for possession and manufacturing of a controlled substance, exactly the type of person Jeff Ireland shouldn't be asking questions about right?

Point is that these unproven players get so much money these days and questions like this need to be asked. You may think that it is unnecessary to ask a kid these type of questions but we are all too familiar with players who have troubled pasts getting ahold of some serious money and spiraling out of control. But I do think that Dez Bryant is going to be a beast and was glad to see the Dolphins didn't grab him because him and Marshall together would have actually caused the All- World defensive backfield of the NY JETS a little run for their money.



P.S.-Keep your eye on the Cavs/Celts series because if the Cavs go down this early Lebron is peacing the fuck out and heading to NY.