TAXI!!!!!

Honestly, I am fucking absolutely losing my mind over here. I wasn't gonna say anything about Braylon Edwards being a complete asshole and driving his Escalade around at 5:00 am in the morning in the middle of the season drunk off his ass but now reports come out that D'Brickashaw Ferguson and Vernon Gholston were in the car with him.

Are the fucking JETS kidding me, every time they win a fucking game they act like its the freaking Super Bowl. Seriously why are these guys even out at 5:00am when they are 1-1 and telling everyone they are going to win it all. They should be worried about their best fuckin player sitting on the sideline with a pulled hammy and figuring out how they are going to beat their number one rival this weekend.

I am so sick and tired of athletes doing the dumbest shit. Seriously I think athletes who get DWI's have got to be the dumbest people on planet earth. I have zeroooooo income right now and can find some way to get in a cab or some other form of transportation if I was as hammered as Braylon was. Funniest thing is that he is an f'n multimillionaire who could have his billionaire owner send him and the rest of the assholes with him a stretch Rolls-Royce Limo with strippers in the backseat waiting for them in the back seat with Rex Ryan driving the damn thing.

I am rip roaring pissed right now because its just typical JETS bullshit. This whole year has really been an embarrassment. When your number one receiver (until week 5), your all pro-linemen who you just gave a $40 million contract too and your biggest draft bust in the history of your franchise get caught at 5:00am drunk off their asses it's time to pump the breaks. So lets hope that Rex isn't such a pussy and stops kissing everyones ass and starts getting a grip on this team.

Santonio Holmes ASAP

I figured I would sleep on it and possibly wake up this morning and realize that it's only Week 1 and the JETS played an extremely hard hitting tough game with one of the NFL's highest caliber teams, well that didn't fuckin' happen.

First off I am going to get this one out of the way and than move on to the offense. You could not ask more from our D-Line and LB's last night. They made one of the best backfields in the NFL seem non-existent. For fucks sake Ray Rice, McGahee and McClain combined for 49 yards on 31 carries. That is ridonkulous. But our secondary needs to step their shit up. Revis I think had maybe 2 balls thrown within 30 yards of him last night while Antonio "I'll be your baby Daddy" Cromartie couldn't keep his fuckin hands off anyone and maybe had the most pass interference calls I have ever seen in one game. Kyle Wilson gets a little slack for being a rookie in his first game but if he plays like that against the PATS next week, well see yah Kyle.

Now moving on to the biggest embarrassment on planet earth, the NY JET offense. Mark Sanchez needs to step the fuck up, seriously I am fed up with this shit. "Oh he's young", "give him time", "he was only a rookie last year and look what he did", no fuck that. I am off that bandwagon, my confidence level in him during that last drive was maybe a 2 on a sale of 100. I mean I have never seen a QB who has an arm like he does play like he has the arm like Chad Pennington.

Next is Shonn Greene. Seriously, I didn't even want to wast my 2 minutes tying this about him because it was an absolute joke to watch him. First off hold on to the fucking football Shonn, if he starts coughing up the ball like he has been all through preseason and now during Week 1 , he will break the record for fumbles in a season. Then to add to that he carries the ball 5 times for 18 yards. What the F is that. I don't give a shit if the Ravens have a good defense, you want people to talk like your gonna be a future state then act like one.

And now onto the receivers, actually just forget it. Take a look at the box score of what our receivers did, they might as well not even put up any stats. What a joke at the end that Keller can't make a play to get that first down.

Two biggest joke stat's were going 1 for 11 on 3rd downs while the Ravens went 11 for 19 and time of possesion which the Ravens had for 38 minutes and the JETS had for 21 minutes.

Defense and Special Teams played their asses off and the O slacked big time. Just killed a chance to start the year off right. All I know is next week is a must win and it's only Week 2, you go down next weekend and head to Miami in Week 3, you could be staring an 0-3 start right dead in the face.

Now let's go get some goddamn breakfast.

Shoulda Hung Em Up

Nothing could be better in life right now then having the NFL back, except, watching Brett Favre fall on his face and prove that the league may finally be catching up to him.

Now I will be the first to admit that when Favre was traded to the JETS a couple of years ago, I walked around for a week like I popped a case full of Viagra. But that doesn't mean I was a Brett Favre fan nor was I, it was just that the JETS hadn't made a big splash in getting a big name player since Curtis Martin (who at the time, was not the player he became after being a JET). Unnecessary to bring up how that season ended because after looking back over the course of Favre's career, most seasons ended in a shamble and then followed by him debating whether to retire or not.

Well Brett after watching last night's game, I think the time came this past offseason where you should have put the cleats in the garage and broke out a Bud because it was a pitiful performance to watch. Outside of the two passes he threw to Shancoe to end the 2nd quarter, Brett looked as if he was a deer in headlights. Threw a signature Brett Favre pick to Vilma along with what felt like a million more but just so happened they were caught out of bounds. He couldn't move for shit which forced the Vikings to line up in some terrible looking formations limiting the way they could move the ball.

All I know is after watching last night, this guy is done. No more of this heroic shit from him. Now I am not saying he is going to be JaMarcus Russell this season but don't expect Brett to have a miracle run and bring this team to where they were last year. It was his time to say goodbye last year and now we are going to have to watch a full year of him throwing ridiculous picks and getting pummeled each and every week.

So until next time, enjoy opening week and say a prayer for the Ravens come Monday night because like I said after watching the JETS defense splatter half of Eli's face across the Meadowlands, they actually might murder someone on the field this year. Stallworth watch out, Karma's a bitch.

Money Mayweather

First thing you have to do is read this masterpiece of verbiage that Floyd Mayweather said in a video regarding Manny Pacquiao:

" 'Poochiao' got three losses and two draws and been knocked out twice," Mayweather said. "So, like I said before, once I beat him it's going to be a cakewalk and it's on to the next. ... We know Pacquiao made $6 million in his last fight and Floyd Mayweather made $65 million in his last fight. Three losses, two draws. Ohhh, hell no, this is America baby. We built on winning. Step your game up, f----t. ... That mother f----- Pacquiao, he can't speak no English. He never seen a contract he didn't like. Mother f----- signed with two companies [Top Rank and Golden Boy]. Look it up. And then this mother f------ with Nike only got 70 Gs. How stupid can a mother f----- be? Reebok gave me a million dollars for three weeks. I wore Reebok s--- for a week for a million dollars. ... This mother f------'s name is Emmanuel. He got a fake name, taking power pellets."

The last three lines may be the single most hilarious comments I have ever read. Everything about this rant is hilarious. Mayweather just knows how to sell himself. Yea he used some racist words which certain media outlets and people are going to take offense too but I love it. He is a business man and when you let your number one challenger know you made 59 fucking million dollars more than him the last time you both fought ends it right there. But no shot that happens with Money Mayweather, what does he do...drops the endorsement bomb. Manny you think your cool cause NIKE gave you 70 g's, well guess what I make a million in a week when I throw on a free pair of Reebok zigs and take a run around the block.

No joke, Mayweather is my favorite athlete on planet earth just because he does not give a shit about anything or anyone. Just makes it rain all over the place and gets paid a ridiculous amount of money. And most of all isn't on the power pellets like Pacquiao.

Someone get Don King on the phone and set this fight up, this would be the most epic fight since The Thrilla in Manilla.

Locks of Love

So when you think of some of the most ridiculous things that athletes do with their money or have had done for them over the year's things such as Mike Tyson spending $300k a year to feed his pigeons comes into mind along with Phil Mickelson having his gambling debts paid off by Callaway to switch to their clubs. Well this one might top the cake.

Today Head and Shoulders the shampoo brand who sponsors Steelers Safety Troy Polamalu isnured his three feet of hair with Lloyd's of London for $1 million dollars. The report did not state what must be done to Polamalu's hair in order to collect on the policy.

Now most of you might think this is the stupidest fucking thing you have ever heard but to me it is absolutely fuckin genius. Why you ask? Because who the fuck uses Head and Shoulders these days other then grown ass men who have hair down to their assholes and have god knows that growing inside that shit. Polamalu is the perfect (and only) athlete that would even need to use Head and Shoulder's who they can't afford to lose out on the only athlete in the world that they could possibly even try to have an endorsement deal with.

I mean I wish Larry Johnson would have ripped that rat tail off his head a few years ago when he tackled him from behind by his hair but that didn't happen. I would love to see the bets going on in NFL locker rooms tonight talking about who will be the first to rip a huge chunk out his hair this year and cause Head and Shoulders to go belly up when they have no one in the world to use their product.

Breaking News: Strasburg to have Tommy John Surgery

The Washington Nationals reported that rookie phenom Stephen Starsburg will most likely undergo Tommy John surgery after he gets a second opinion to confirm the dreaded news. He will miss all of next season and hope to return by 2012.

Now even though Strasburg was about to start dominating the shit out of the METS for the next five years before he signs with the YANKEES as a free agent I was absolutely fucking pumped to see this guy get out there and pump a 101 mph fastball and drop a 90 mph curveball. I mean this kid lit the league up in his first 3 months as a big leaguer and still will have that shot. But this is a crushing blow to a franchise who for a really long time were irrelevant but were on the rise with the two biggest selections in recent years in Strasburg and this year's number one pick Bryce Harper.

I thought shit this bad only happens to METS fans like myself, I guess when you are formerly the Montreal Expos the curse of you being a shitty franchise will follow you no matter where you move.

Fantasy Football Friday: Defensive Teams

As I sit here watching highlights from some of last night's preseason games it makes me 100 million times more eager to watch real NFL games because preseason games are fucking miserable. I mean there is absolutely nothing fun about these games. Even when the first teams are in the game they suck. Let's hope that yesterday when the owner's met they highly considered bumping two preseason games and adding them to the regular season schedule. Just imagine the Super Bowl being played the Sunday before President's Day knowing you wouldn't have to wake up hungover as shit and go to work or school. I may even start a Facebook group to petition the Super Bowl to become a national holiday.

Having said that we move on to the final edition of Fantasy Football Friday. We are putting the defense under the microscope.

1.) NY JETS: Yea they are numero uno and how can you not say they aren't. They were the number one defense in the league last year and have brought in Antonio Cromartie, Brodney Pool, Jason Taylor, drafted Kyle Wilson and get Kris Jenkins back after being out all of last season. Obviously the whole Revis contract situation is still hanging over their heads but with two weeks still left before Opening Night they will find a way to lock him up. Either way the defense is going to be scary or ridiculously scary.

2.) BALTIMORE RAVENS: Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Terrell Suggs, I think enough was said right there. This team year in and year out is one of the best in the league. They have added some good depth and rookie LB Sergio Kindle will be learning from one of the best LB's ever to walk planet earth. And with a more potent offense the pressure won't be as high like in year's past.

3.) GREEN BAY PACKERS: Defensive Player of the Year Charles Woodson leads this star studded up and coming group. of A.J. Hawk, Clay Matthews, Al Harris and Nick Barnett. With one of the NFL's prolific offenses this defense will hold its own and may even be a team that could make a Super Bowl run this year.

4.) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: No really stud names on this defense outside of Asante Samuels, who is overrated anyway. But consistent play and a team that puts a lot of pressure on the QB will mean a lot of sacks and turnovers.

5.) DALLAS COWBOYS: They have one of the best defensive players on their team in DeMarcus Ware and NT Jay Ratliff just eating up QB's. Wary of the DB's but with two dominate players on the front line and a solid core of linebackers this Cowboy D will put pressure on any team which makes up for the shaky backfield.

Honorable Mentions: San Francisco 49ers, Minnesota Vikings, Pittsburg Steelers

So there you go, my choice for the top 5 fantasy defenses for this upcoming season. So with drafts starting this week be sure to take my advice into consideration if you play on winning any of the money that is up for grabs in your respective leagues.

Enjoy the weekend and start getting ready as we get days away from the most anticipated NFL season that I can ever remember.